Deschooling, Week Three — Hey Mandy Davis

Deschooling, Week Three: What It Actually Looks Like

3 min read

New to Homeschooling

Everyone tells you to deschool. Almost nobody tells you what week three looks like, which is the week most families quietly go back to worksheets.

Here’s what it looked like at my house. My oldest, fresh out of a classroom, had spent the first two weeks in a kind of stunned relief — sleeping in, reading in the hammock, asking if she was “allowed” to do things. By week three, she was bored, I was anxious, and I found myself printing a schedule at 6 a.m. because the silence was making me feel like a failure.

That’s week three. The relief wears off, the old habits come looking for you, and you have to decide what you actually believe.

What deschooling is for

Deschooling is the space between leaving school and starting to homeschool, and the point of it is to let the habits of school loosen their grip. On your child, yes — the waiting for permission, the raised hand, the is this for a grade? But mostly on you.

The hardest part for me wasn’t the academics. It was releasing the mindset that school equals learning. I had two decades of it in my bones. I could take a child out of a classroom in one afternoon. Getting the classroom out of me took most of a year.

What week three actually looks like

Your child will say “I’m bored.” Good. Boredom is the doorway. Behind it is the first self-chosen project your child has had in years. Don’t fill the gap. Wait it out — for real, for days if needed. What they reach for on the other side is information you can’t get any other way.

Boredom is the doorway.

You will feel the pull to prove it’s working. To your mother-in-law, to the neighbor, to yourself. You’ll want a photo of a finished worksheet as evidence. Notice that pull and name it. It’s the old system asking for a report card.

Mandy baking with two daughters in the kitchen

Learning will happen sideways. Week three at our house: a sourdough starter that turned into a week of measurement, a documentary that turned into a map on the wall, an argument between siblings that turned into a very real lesson on how to make a case. None of it was planned. All of it counted.

You’ll want a rhythm, and that’s okay. Deschooling doesn’t mean no structure. It means the structure grows from your family instead of being imposed on it. By week three, a soft anchor helps: breakfast together, a read-aloud, outside before lunch. Three fixed points, and let the rest move.

Some days will feel like nothing. Those are the days I most want you to trust. A child who is finally safe enough to do nothing is a child getting ready to do something.

How long it takes

The rule of thumb you’ll hear is a month for every year of school. I’ve found that to be roughly right for the child and roughly half of what the mother needs. Give yourself the longer number.

Deschooling timeline: weeks 1–2 relief, week 3 the wall, weeks 4–6 learning goes sideways, week 8 on a rhythm grows; a month for every year of school

And when you catch yourself at 6 a.m. printing a schedule — as I did — pause. Ask what it’s for. If it’s for your child, keep it. If it’s for the fear, put it down and go make coffee.

You didn’t leave school to rebuild it in your kitchen. You left to build something that fits. Week three is where that starts.

Here’s to the boring days. They’re doing more than they look like.

Deschooling was the first thing I wrote a guide about, years ago, and it’s still the question I get most. The Homebuilt Community opens in October with that guide and more inside — free to join. The list is open at heymandydavis.com/community.

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